It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
