Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
