yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
