I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
