I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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