How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
