i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
