There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
