Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
