I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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