sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Randomize
