Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
