but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
