I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
