I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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