i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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