Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
