i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
