My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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