your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
