We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Are we still banned from the library?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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