How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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