Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
