think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
