Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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