I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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