Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I wish there were birth control emojis
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
