He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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