Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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