hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
