Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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