i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
