I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
