Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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