therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This is classic penis vs brain.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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