We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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