DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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