I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
