I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
