He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
