Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
