sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
