My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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