he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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