if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
