Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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