I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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