I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize