i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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