moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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