Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
