But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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