Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
