No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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