It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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