Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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