Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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