I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
