is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
