life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
COCAINE IS GR8
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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