Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
