hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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