I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i think i have two assholes
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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