did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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