the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You need a sexual gate keeper
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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