so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i dont even know how to be here
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
