She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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