On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
