Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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