I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Randomize
