Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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