We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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