also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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