I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
