Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Less talking, more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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