I CAN MOONWALK!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
