Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
