Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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