Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
