Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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