my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
