I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
