In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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