I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
