his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize