Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
